Melbourne Cup Haikus
Getting these in a few days early... Let 'em simmer.
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The PE teacher
Googled how to tie a tie
No tracksuit today.
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Sunglasses? Oakley.
Shirt? Black. Tie? Silver. Shoes? White.
Cocaine? Pre-ordered.
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The incredible guilt
Felt from his gambling losses
Helped Jake to drink more.
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Flick ripped off her shoe,
Pegged it across the marquee
At that cunt Kate’s face.
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The only losers
Were millions of gamblers
And that horse they shot.
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For those who aren’t Australian, the Melbourne Cup is an annual horse race known as ‘the race that stops the nation.’ It’s held on the first Tuesday of November each year and is an official public holiday in Victoria and an unofficial day off everywhere else. It’s not that Australia is a nation of horse lovers or anything - I think we just love gambling and fighting in broad daylight in our best clothes.
Thanks to my friend Annika, these particular haikus were once featured in an exhibition catalogue at the Australian Centre of Contemporary Art. It’s one of two or three times ever that I’ve received money for ‘poetry.’
