My Advertising Portfolio, Chapter 1
It was November of 2000 and Sydney was awash with beige, Bonds-branded Olympic volunteer chinos
Over the years, colleagues and recruiters have suggested that I should have a portfolio of the ads I have made so I can get offered jobs. I’ve tried a million times, but I can’t do it. Uploading all your ads to a little Squarespace site? Yuck! Listing your industry awards and shortlists? Humiliating.
They should be able to just look at me and know that I’m not fit for the job.
But, you know what they say? The only way out is through. I need some sort of portfolio to document my experience. So let’s start at the beginning…
Chapter 1 - The Year 2000
At the end of year 10 at school we all had to go off and spend a week doing “work experience” in a real workplace, somewhere in the real world.
A friend of my parents had been a big dog cigarette client of a Sydney agency called MJW. I must have expressed some interest in advertising at the time, because a form was filled out and off I went.
MJW’s office was inside Fox Studios at Moore Park just next to the Sydney Cricket Ground. I arrived on my first day wearing a yellow River’s oxford shirt, navy chinos and boat shoes. I felt cool, but in hindsight, couldn’t have looked more like the obnoxious 15-year-old family friend of a tobacco marketeer.
The receptionist said they hadn’t realised I was coming this week. They sat me at a computer in an empty office and loaded up BestAdsOnTV.com. I remember watching Budweiser ‘Wassup’ and being floored by the speed of the internet connection
MJW had recently made this Foster’s campaign for the Sydney Olympics, so later that day I was introduced to the two men (who I now understand were the creative team) who came up with it. I told them it was awesome, like, how Australian it was? And they said yeah, that was the intent.
My MJW visitor lanyard doubled as a pass to Fox Studios, so on Tuesday I went on the Batman ride then walked into the pub and ordered a middy of Tooheys New at 11:30am. I sat in the bar, pretending to watch the cricket while looking out the corner of my eyes, certain that the police were on their way to get me.
On Wednesday I went on a recce with an account exec (probably 24) and the studio assistant (probably 20) to take photos of menu boards at various Domino’s Pizzas around south Sydney. I sat in the back of the studio guy’s Holden Barina and listened to them complain about how little they were paid. I wanted to contribute so told a long story about how Ross Brown drank a whole bottle of Boris Yeltsin Vodka at Jess Smith’s party and passed out on their front lawn. Then when Jess Smith’s parents asked for his name, Jonathan James told them it was “Ross Edwards” - so they called my parents on the class list and told them that I needed to get my stomach pumped at Hornsby Hospital. Mum and Dad got a taxi from dinner to Jess Smith’s house, only to see that it wasn’t their child lying on the nature strip in the broad, St Ives daylight.
I can’t remember how I wrapped up the story or what my point was, but the account guy looked at me in the Barina’s rear view mirror and said “what does he hope to achieve by drinking that much?”
Say what you want about Ross Brown, but it would be decades before I was willing to accept that Binge Drinking wasn’t universally awesome. As we made our way back along General Holmes Drive, I resolved to be more careful with whom I shared my A material.
The rest of the trip was uneventful. I thought about asking the studio assistant for a cigarette, but didn’t have what it takes.
At the end of that day, the receptionist filled out my work experience form and wrote a nice note that said I would be well suited to a career in advertising. She told me I could have rest of the week off, as the agency Christmas party was on Thursday, so Friday would probably be a write off too.
On Thursday I went and saw Charlie’s Angels at the Macquarie Centre Greater Union, then bought some zebra print Volcom boardshorts at General Pants. On Friday I stayed home and watched TV.
The next Monday I went back to school, ate my French Onion LeSnak, bragged about being served a middy in a pub and never gave a career in advertising a second thought.
